Tis the season for the office Christmas Party as restaurants, boats and bars are booked out with excited workers keen to blow off steam after a hard year’s work.
And no office Christmas party would be complete without at least a few of the following personalities. Buckle up!
Fresh out of university, The Grad is usually a recent recruit and easily becomes over-excited by the bright lights and free-flowing alcohol.
Accustomed to spending the last few years slamming shots at “uni nights”, The Grad is struggling to transition to corporate life and goes too hard too soon, before completely unravelling early in the evening.
Given they have only just started their job, they don’t know who is who and end up telling the CEO about the vast amounts of !$#%@? they have been consuming and how easy it is to steal office stationary.
The Stayer’s ability to withstand the sedative effects of alcohol is incredible. Having drunk more alcohol than anyone else over the night they somehow appear completely sober.
And as the party winds down they have no intention of stopping. This is their one night off from their partner and four kids and they’ll be damned if they’re going home before sunrise. The Stayer applies all the tools of persuasion learnt in a recent sales workshop to wrangle together a hardy crew to kick on at the casino.
Usually the HR or OHS Manager, or someone named Cuthbert, The Yawn is as boring at the Christmas Party as they are at work.
They sip water in the corner watching proceedings with beady eyes and taking mental notes of who is doing what and are quick to suggest the boss cuts off the bar tab when people start having too much fun.
The Hook Up:
While technical two people – unless it’s Cuthbert alone in the broom cupboard – The Hook Up finally gets together at the Christmas party.
The sexual tension between the two has been building throughout the year, and like a pot of pasta left too long on the stove it has all boiled over in a messy display of saliva and gyroscopic movement on the dance floor before they stumble into a waiting taxi.
Late to the party because they had to put some finishing touches on a project due in February, The Workaholic only wants to talk about projects, pipelines and “synergistic client solutions”.
They spend most of the evening talking with Cuthbert about the sad state of youth today before they make an early exit so as to start work tomorrow feeling fresh.
The Shy Extrovert:
They have avoided eye contact with everyone in the office all year yet suddenly after a few drinks are up on stage wrestling the mic off the live band, with most people asking “Who is that?”.
Once security escorts them off stage, they proceed to order shots, flirt with the CEO, ask everyone for a cigarette, spill a drink down their front and tell you about how busy their 14 cats keep them on weekend.
You they won’t speak to you again until the next Christmas party.
With high cheekbones, perfect hair and an impeccable outfit, The Desired has the attention of all the singles who are determined that tonight they will make their move.
Ignoring the free bar tab, The Desired prefers to pay for French Champagne and politely declines the h’ordeurves. They spend a couple of hours charming management and politely entertaining a few awkward attempts at flirtation before leaving early and alone to go to another party.
A company veteran who was working there before computers were a thing, The Disgruntled has seen a lot of changes and refuses to accept any of them.
They reminisce the days of typewriters and when everyone had individual offices. Having consumed a few drinks they are only too happy to let everyone know how good things used to be before bailing up the boss to demand a parking spot and a pay rise.
Stay safe out there everyone and have a fantastic Christmas and New Year! Try not to party as hard as this guy!
Are there any personalities we’ve missed? Let us know in the comments below.